For all you active dieters out there:
ACTIVITY
CALORIES
BURNED
REMOVING CLOTHES
With partner`s consent............................................12
Without partner`s consent..................................... 187
UNHOOKING BRA
Using two calm hands..............................................7
Using one trembling hand...................................... 36
GETTING INTO BED
Lifting partner............................................................15
Dragging partner along floor.................................16
Using skateboard..................................................... 3
ACHIEVING ERECTIONS
For normal healthy man..........................................2.5
Losing erection..........................................................14
Searching for it..........................................................115
PUTTING ON CONDOM
With erection.............................................................1.5
Without erection...................................................... 300
INSERTING DIAPHRAGM
If the woman who does it is
Experienced............................................................. 6
Inexperienced......................................................... 73
If a man does it....................................................... 650
Add (5) calories for retrieving it from across the room.
POSITIONS ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY
Italian- Man on top, woman in kitchen............. 26
Russian- Woman on bottom,
Man getting permission ........................................55
American- Both on top ........................................60
POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF INTERCOURSE
Bouncing................................................................ 7
Sliding around .......................................................9
Serious skidding ....................................................12
Whiplash ................................................................27
ORGASM
Real ........................................................................27
Faked ....................................................................160
ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE
Shoes flew off .......................................................35
Expression didn`t change..................................1/2
Orchestra swelled ..............................................6
Birds sang -- Large birds.................................... 7
Small birds ............................................................3
Earth moved ......................................................30
PULLING OUT
After orgasm ......................................................1/2
A few moments before orgasm .....................500
PENIS ENVY
For woman......................................................... 3
For men ..............................................................72
GUILT
Despite no formal training,
orgasm comes easily, naturally.....................53
You`re enjoying sex,
despite the fact that other people
are starving .....................................................2
Sex on your lunch hour..................................3
Putting it on expense account ...................20
AGGRAVATION
Partner keeps showing plant ......................5
Partner insists on cuddling the dog
during foreplay ..............................................14
Partner just visited bathroom for 7th time..10
Partner is taking phone calls ........................7
Partner is making phone calls......................40
GETTING CAUGHT
By partner`s spouse.......................................60
By your spouse ..............................................100
Trying to explain ............................................55
Trying to remain calm ..................................100
Leaping out of bed.......................................75
Getting dressed in one motion ..................500
Thanking partner quickly ............................3 |