Bumper Stickers

Its not how deep you fish, its how you wiggle your worm that counts

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
                                                  
Born free... taxed to death.
                                       
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
                                             
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Horn broken, watch for finger.
                                             
All men are idiots ... I married their king.
                                        
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
                                     
If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
                                          
Help wanted - telepathy: you know where to apply.
                                        
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
                                            
I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
                                        
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
                                             
I love cats ... they taste just like chicken.
                                               
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
                                                  
Keep honking, I'm reloading.
                                              
Hang up and drive.

Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.
                                         
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
                                       
I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.
                                  
WARNING! - Driver only carries $20 in ammunition.
                                          
Ask me about microwaving  cats for fun and profit.
                                               
Cats... the other white meat.
                                     
Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!
                                       
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
                                       
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
                                      
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
                                              
Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.
                                       
Your mom took an IQ test and the results were negative.
                                        
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
                                   
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
                                    
Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
                                           
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
                                     
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
                                             
He/She who laughs last thinks slowest.
                                           
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
                                      
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
                                          
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
                                          
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
                                     
Be nice to your kids. They'll be choosing your nursing home.
                                           
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
                                 
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
                               
I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.