What College Freshmen Of 1998 Know: A Perspective For Us Older Folks
This joke was posted 03/20/01
The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born
in 1980. They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan era and did not
know he had ever been shot. They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War
was waged. Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression.
There has only been one Pope.
They can really only remember one president. They were 11 when the Soviet
Union broke apart and do not remember the Cold War. They have never feared a
nuclear war. "The Day After" is a pill to them, not a movie. CCCP is just a
bunch of letters. They have only known one Germany. They are too young to
remember the space shuttle blowing up, and Tienamen Square means nothing to
them. They do not know who Moamar Qadafi is.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS. They never had a polio shot and
likely do not know what it is. Bottle caps have not only always been screw
off, but have always been plastic. They have no idea what a pull tab can
looks like. Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums. The expression "you
sound like a broken record" means nothing to them. They have never owned a
record Player. They have likely never played Pac Man and have never heard of
Pong. Star Wars looks very fake, and the special effects are pathetic.
There have always been red M&M's, and blue ones are not new. What do you
mean there used to be beige ones?
They may have heard of an 8-track, but chances are they probably have never
actually seen or heard one. The Compact Disc was introduced when they were 1
year old. As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 32 cents. Zip
codes have always had a dash in them. They have always had an answering machine.
Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black and
white TV. They have always had cable. There have always been VCRs, but they
have no idea what beta is. They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
They were born the year that Walkmans were introduced by Sony.
Roller-skating has always meant inline for them. They have never heard of
King Cola, Burger Chef, The Globe Democrat, Pan AM or Ozark Airlines. The
Tonight Show has always been hosted by Jay Leno. They have no idea when or
why Jordache jeans were cool. Popcorn has always been cooked in a microwave.
They have never seen a game that included the St. Louis Football Cardinals,
the Baltimore Colts, the Minnesota North Stars, the Kansas City Kings, the
New Orleans Jazz, the Minnesota Lakers, the Atlanta Flames, or the Denver
Rockies (NHL hockey, that is). They do not consider the Colorado Rockies,
the Florida Marlins, the Florida Panthers, the Ottawa Senators, the San Jose
Sharks, or the Tampa Bay Lightning "expansion teams."
They have never seen Larry Bird play, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is a football
player. They never took a swim and thought about "Jaws." The Vietnam War
is
as ancient to them as WWI, WWII or even the Civil War. They have no idea
that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran. They can't imagine what hard
contact lenses are. They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. They never
heard
the terms "Where's the beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or
"de
plane, de plane!". They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R.
is. The Cosby Show, The Facts of Life, Silver Spoons, The Love Boat, Miami
Vice, WKRP in Cincinnati, and Taxi are shows they have likely never seen.
The Titanic was found? I didn't know it was lost. Michael Jackson has
always been white. They cannot remember the St. Louis Cardinals ever winning
a World Series, or even being in one. Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America and
Alabama are places, not groups. McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
Do you feel old now? Remember, the people who don't know these things will
be in college this year.