The ancient gods of email hath deigned that I now forward this message.

Okay, okay, i know how much all of you absolutely hate chain letters
so here you go:  a complete mockery of all the chain letters as we know them.
Read on to see exactly what you've been waiting for, for a long time.

The four basic types of chain letters:

Chain Letter Type 1:






Make a wish!!!





















Really, go on and make one!!!





















Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!





















wish something else!!!





















Not that, you pervert!!





















Is your finger getting tired yet?





















STOP, DAMMIT!!!!

Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel
guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to a
certain number of people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a
mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of manure.
It's true! Because, you now, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones,
THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes.

Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
20 to 674, 951 1/2 people: 20 to 674, 951 1/2 people will be pissed
off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

Chain Letter Type 2

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a
starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs,
no parents, and no penis. This little boy's life could be saved.

because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the
Little Starving Legless Armless Penisless Boy from
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting
letters sent and this is all bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this
to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder- if you accidentally
send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!

Chain Letter Type 3

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not
as many bitchy little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is
how it works. Pass this on to 1-5067 people in the next 7 minutes or
something horrible will happen to you like:

Queer Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had
recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a
crack in the side walk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a
drainpipe in a flood of shit, and went flying out over a waterfall.
Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

Queer Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and
ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his
boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell.
They continued to suffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat
adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You!!!

Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this
letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok.

Chain Letter Type 4:

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of
your friends.

Friends
-A friend is someone who is always at your side,
-A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like shit,
-A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly,
-A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
-A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your loser life,
-A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think
you should be raped by a *MAD GOAT* and then thrown to vicious dogs,
-A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets
the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English, oh, wait... sorry that's the cleaning lady,
-A friend is not someone who sends you shitty chain letters because he
wants his wish of his crush sucking his schlong to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don't, Satan will screw you in your sleep!!

There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of
chain letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any
popularity, send it on!!! If you don't think it was funny at all,
don't bother, but otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!!
If you don't, I don't care, but why not show this around? Take two
minutes and forward it. Thanks!

Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore
it. If it's a joke or something, send it, sure, but if it's gonna make
people feel guilty (i.e. the penisless boy from
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e. Miranda Pinsley who ended up
in a waterfall of shit) just delete it. Do yourself a favor, and
everyone else in the world, and say "#$@!%#^! CHAIN LETTERS!!"

_______________________________________

Scientists this week decoded the first confirmed alien transmission
from outer space. Here is the text of the message that they decoded:

This really works!

Just send 5*10^50 atoms of hydrogen to each of the five star systems
listed below.  Then, add your own system to the top of the list, delete
the system at the bottom, and send out copies of this message to 100
other solar systems.

If you follow these instructions, within 0.25 of a galactic rotation
you are guaranteed to receive enough hydrogen in return to power your
civilization until entropy reaches its maximum!"

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