Getting even
This joke was posted 03/20/01
There was an old married couple that had lived happily
together for nearly forty years. The only friction in
their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of
breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The
noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause
her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air.
Nearly every morning he told her that he couldn't help it.
She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could
bedone but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her
that it was just a natural bodily function and then he would
laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands.
She told him that there was nothing natural about it
and if he didn't stop, he would "fart out his guts" one day.
Each day, she told him this same thing.
The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and
the husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting
his guts out" until one Thanksgiving morning, before dawn,
the wife went downstairs to prepare the family feast. She
fixed pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, gravy and of course, the turkey.
While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought
occured to the wife as to how she might solve her husband's
problem. With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the
turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs
hours before her husband would awake. While he was still
soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and then gently
pulled back her husband's jockey shorts. She then placed all
the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them
up and replaced the covers and tiptoed down-stairs to
finish preparing the family meal.
Several hours later she heard her husband awake with
his normal loud butt-trumpeting. This was soon followed by
a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic
footsteps as her husband ran to the bathroom. The wife could not
control herself and her eyes began to tear up as she rolled
on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him
she had finally gotten even.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in
his blood stained underpants with a look of horror in
his eyes. She bit her lip to keep from laughing and she
asked him what was the matter. He said "Honey, you were
right-all those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always did
tell me that I would end up farting my guts out one of these
days and today it finally happened. But with God's help
and these two fingers, I think I got'em all back in!!"