The Assignment

You know that book Men are from Mars, Women from Venus?  Well, here's a
prime example of that. This assignment was actually turned in by  two of
my English students:

First, the Assignment:
English 44A
California State University, Hayward
Creative Writing
Prof. Miller

In-class Assignment for Wednesday:
Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to
his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first
paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph
then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a
third paragraph, and so on back and forth.

Lisa starts:
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl . His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about
him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out
of the question.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dave:
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about
than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom
he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation
17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No
sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish
particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his
ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his
seat and across the cockpit.
----------------------------------------------------------
Lisa:
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.  "Congress Passes
Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel." Laurie read in her
newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored
her.  She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth-when the days
had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no
television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the
beautiful
things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a
woman?" she pondered wistfully.
----------------------------------------------------------
Dave:
Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the
first
of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed
the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth
a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to
destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the
treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough
firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they
swiftly
initiated their diabolical plan.The lithium fusion missile entered the
atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million
other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference
table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow'em out
of the sky!"
----------------------------------------------------------
Lisa:
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
----------------------------------------------------------
Dave:
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
----------------------------------------------------------
Lisa:
Asshole.
----------------------------------------------------------
Dave:
Bitch.

Marg
"Nothing in Moderation"